This ain't the Rapture, baby!


Thursday, 19th March 2020

What’s more contagious: Covid-19 or fear? When you see the supermarket shelves, it seems fear is spreading faster than coronavirus. Americans buying guns to ‘defend their families’ is perhaps more frightening than the actual infection. If people are this jumpy – at this stage – then what will it take to pull the trigger? If I was a postman, I would be feeling a little nervous. If I was a black postman, I would be wearing body armour.
Social meltdown can be avoided if we choose to look after the most vulnerable rather than pull up the drawbridge. As usual, the poor are going to suffer the most. It doesn’t take long for one’s circumstances to spiral downwards: loss of job; loss of income; eating less and eating cheaply; health deterioration (mental and physical); stress/depression/domestic violence/abuse/homelessness; death. If benefits are withheld; if opportunities for exercise and socialisation are severely reduced; if the rich and privileged are seen to be above the crisis, then expect riots. We’re going to see, in some parts of the world, how strong the social ties are, and what it takes to break them apart. Someone (probably a person of colour), somewhere (a poor country), is going to get shot by the army as they run out of the store across the broken shopfront glass, clutching a pack of nappies, some paracetamol and a frozen chicken.
I am wondering, today, who is viewing the pandemic as a message from God? You can stake your secret cache of loo roll that there are a whole lotta religious groups out there, right now, who think this is the end times and they, alone, will be saved. And to them, I say: fuck you, and your righteous, stick-up-your-arse morality. A lot of Jehovah Witnesses (who do not accept medical treatment of any kind) are going to be finding out real soon what, if anything, is on the other side. Good luck, guys.
And yesterday, in Florida, an evangelical pastor told the media that he would not be shutting his church and that other ministries that did so ‘were pansies.’ He said that his church would heal and save people and he would be encouraging his congregation to hug, in defiance of health warnings. So, when this thing blows past, the world may be a little thinned out of those who put their faith in miracles instead of science. Again, good luck, Florida evangelists. Say hello to the Witnesses when you get there…
This ain’t the Rapture. This is a man-made disaster which, if you want to get Gaia theory, is nature’s way of fighting back: ‘Yeah, you can drill my seabed for oil, cut down my rainforests, melt my glaciers but my gift to you is a pathogen for all mankind.’ Eating monkeys in Gabon gave us Ebola. Eating pangolins in China now gives us Covid-19.
So, yeah vegans, it really is your time in the spotlight. It seems unlikely that a toxic respiratory disease is going to jump out of your beetroot and falafel salad. So smug it up, all you bean-eaters. Barefoot, beansprout, beard-y, bell bottom wearing children of the world: this is your moment…
Oh, and in these times of crisis, it’s good to hear from a billionaire who is still wearing her gold Christmas hat: the Queen. As she self-isolates with her crew of slaves in her country mansion, our royal highness assures us that the royal family ‘stand ready to play our part.’ Anyone for a corgi burger?
Latest data for the UK
Infected: 2,692
Deaths: 144
Celebrity Deaths: None (Idris Elba has it but he’s hard as fuck and the coronavirus left his body as soon as it knew its host was Stringer Bell)
People I know who are infected: 0
People I know who have died: 0
Song for the day: ‘Better Tomorrow’ – Wu-Han Clan (sorry, that should read Wu-Tang Clan)

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