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The Weird and Wonderful World of Trump-Merch

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  Remember when you were younger and you just went out and did some stuff and then came back again. And then went out again and did some more stuff before coming home and then the next day you went back out and did some stuff again. Oh, those were the days, weren’t they…? * Today, I am saying my official farewell to ex-president, Donald J. Trump. It’s just time. Time I made my farewell to the great hulking snake-tongued shyster over the pond. He has popped up in this coronavirus blog like a Whack-A-Mole that just won’t stay whacked. Donald J. Trump, Robin to COVID-19’s Batman, the willing accomplice with no purpose in life except to jump on a bandwagon of a virus that was probably, just about, killing more Democrats – black, poor people especially – than Republicans and was therefore, in his binary binocular view of only winners and losers, worth hitching his wagon to. They say that women are afraid of men killing them and men are afraid of women laughing at them. I think Donal
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Satire and Shopping: the end of the fucking world

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  Remember when this blog didn’t exist and your lives felt futile and empty without its bitter satire and biting social commentary? Yeah, those were the days, eh? I think that before I end this blog, I should perhaps revisit the various touchstones that have been a recurring feature. Namely: the Daily Mail Online, David Icke, Donald Trump, our government (done last week) blah blah blah I have, during ‘research’ for this blog, completely fucked up my internet search history and possibly appeared as a small blip on GCHQ. I make no apology for being an armchair anarchist, a liberal, freedom-loving ‘libtard’ but I am keen to seek out the opinion of others, particularly those others whose views might be diametrically opposed to mine. This has led me into some dark corners of the internet: the EDL: the Proud Boys website (much duller than you might imagine); the Ku Klux Klan (lightly dressed racism still smells like racism – you can’t dress a turd and call it a wizard); the Daily Mail On
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School Reports for the Tory Cabinet

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  Call me nostalgic but do you remember when the streets were paved with gold and magical unicorns shat Bitcoins into your hands when you gave their balls a squeeze? Ah, those were the days… This week, in true teacher mode, I have decided to give the members of the government their annual school report after their first year in Reception Class   cabinet. Who is sharing the toys? Who sulks and throws tantrums? Who cries for their mommy until they wet themselves? Only one way to find out…. * Priti Patel – D- Priti has struggled in her first year here at Blighty Primary School. She has some identity issues that will need addressing and often walks around the playground saying, ‘Me top white girl, me top white girl, pretty princess, pretty princess’ until another child rides a scooter into her shins to shut her up. Although her reading and writing are coming along well, her poor social skills mean she is often left to play on her own in the corner with the big pile of toys she has sn
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How to invade Uruguay and other personal stories

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  Friday, 5 th February 2021 Remember when you moved in a crowd, the roar at a match, the singalong at a gig, the crush of a bar on a Friday night at last orders, the warmth of others...? Nah, me neither. * So many of you have been asking me* how we, as a family unit, are getting on in Lockdown 3 – Revenge of the Mutating Virus that I thought it would be good to give you an insight into life chez nous. [*  Utter bullshit: nobody is asking me. I think writing that influencer blog post has infected my brain and I am now doomed to think and write as if I have a large audience of followers.] If Lockdown 1 had a kind of wunderbrat vibe going on, like a gatecrasher in a neon shellsuit vomiting in your sock drawer and knocking your family photos off the shelves with his enormously sharp, free-swinging elbows, at least it had the element of surprise and originality on its side. Lockdown 2, at only a month long, was more like the relative you dislike coming to stay at their own invitation
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Living my best life

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Remember when you had things to do? Anyway, I thought I would share this with you: Instagram influencer, Shanelle Kerrigan’s latest messages to her followers following on from Priti Patel’s hate-splash in the House of Commons re what is essential travel ie. Not going to the Middle East to hang out in a bikini. * So super necessary! It's super Tuesday! Hey guys, love to all the Kerrifam out there. So good to hear from you all. We gotta stay connected to get through this, girlz and boys. 💕 So many of you have been asking me about the bikini I was wearing yesterday by the infinity pool. I guess it must be getting warmer back there in the UK which is super cool. If you like the bikini then check out the link below for a cheaper version you might be able to afford and that comes in your sizes. It’s so hot out here in Dubai that most days I have to leave the pool area and do some work inside. Today I tried a complete treatment for my forehead after those lovely people from F
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