Questions, 48 years old, GSOH, seeks Answers for 'good times'

Saturday, 18^th April 2020

I've heard lists are very popular on that thar internet so, never one to buck a trend,  here is one. A series of rhetorical questions is today’s complete blog post. Feel free to add your own Rhet' Qs in the comments section below.

1)      Am I attracting the attention of the security services with my internet browsing history: Daily Mail online, Christian Scientists, ISIS, Dan Patrick, the Proud Boys, David Icke, Jacob Rees-Mogg’s voting record?

2)     Why haven’t the Ku Klux Klan donated their masks and wizard's cloaks to American hospitals?

3)     If one middle-aged man, alone in his conservatory after midnight, when everyone else has gone to bed, is raving to acid-house played at full volume through his headphones and throwing some drunken ‘shapes’, did it really happen?

4)     Is anybody, anywhere in the world right now, having any fun?

5)     If it’s in a teenager’s job description to be miserable (and was ever thus), is it still my duty to twerk between him and the television in a vain and unappreciated effort to distract him from his existential woe?

6)     Have we all taken the ‘red pill’ (The Matrix)?

7)     Is drill the best accompaniment, played full volume in the kitchen, to our yoga relaxation or would it be nicer to hear the birds in the trees outside the window (as we were just a moment ago)?

8)    Will I still want to read the Daily Mail online when this is all over to find out all about Pierce Brosnan’s ‘silver fox autumn look’?

9)     Will I really have to go back to work?

10)  Or can I pretend I died?

11)   Does anybody anymore really give a fuck about Brexit?

12)  Can a soft hippo dog toy be infused with too much ‘scent’?

13)  Does burning down a 5G mast count as my one daily, allotted piece of exercise?

14)  What is the difference between the ‘Happy Walking’ playlist and the ‘Walking in a Good Mood’ playlist on the Voodoo Parsnip’s phone?

15)   And how are they both different to the ‘Walking up a hill towards a Greek villa’ playlist?

16)  If none of us ever gets to be alone ever again, will we go mad?

17)   How many children is too many?

18)  Is David Icke the new messiah (and just too modest to admit it)?

19)  If Major Tom Moore can walk 100 lengths of his garden, aged 100, and raise £13m for the NHS, why can’t the Screenager carry his empty discarded crisp packet to the bin?

20)            Are rhetorical questions lists over-rated?

Latest data for the UK (as of 11pm):

Infected: 114,217

Deaths: 15,464

Celebrity Deaths: 3

People I know who are infected: 0

Song of the Day: ‘Where Is My Mind’ – Pixies